Penny and I were out running errands today and we passed by the Spirit Halloween store. After seeing a sign that said "50% off" I thought it would be a great idea to stop in and see if they had the cat ears for her costume. Once we crossed the threshold, I knew the decision to go in was a huge mistake. There were severed torsos, creepy monsters and more at ever turn.
However, she did not even see the scariness of the store. It wasn't until we were leaving that she saw an animatronic wolf with a severed hand and glowing eyes that she stopped in her path.
"Mommy, that wolf is scaring me!"
My heart stopped. What had I exposed my sweet daughter to? I didn't know what to say. What came out next baffled me.
"Wolfie no wolfing! Wolfie no wolfing! Wolfie no wolfing!" I yelled as I shook my hand at it. Penny joined me in the chant. Then I looked at her and said, "Tell him to smile so he won't look so scary". She took my advice.
In the car, we talked about how sometimes people may look different or even scary, but they are really great and wonderful people. I thought of 2 Timothy where it says, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self‑discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7 NIV84). I prayed over her know that she cannot unsee what she saw but that God would rewrite it for her in her mind as a lesson of love.
It was a great reminder for me. When I start to fear my surroundings or circumstances, I am taking my eyes of what God may have for me. Possibly a lesson in love.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Friday, October 26, 2012
That's what friends are for...so turn off the old tapes!
Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart,and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel. (Proverbs 27:9 NIV84)
I woke up this morning thinking about the game concentration. I played it at sleepovers with my friends. Once it was nighttime, you would close your eyes. Then your friend would tap your shoulders and say, "Concentrate! Concentrate! People dying. Children crying. Concentrate!" I know, what a positive and uplifting game. Then their would be a choice of different things you could do. "There's a knife in you back! Stab it! Feel the blood trickling down." Now, if you have your eyes closed and depending how into the game your friend was, it felt like you were stabbed and something was running down your back. In truth, it was your friend punching you in the back and tickling their fingers down your back and depending how into it they were, you could walk away with a bruise. It felt like you were stabbed and mortal and mortally bleeding. In reality, you were fine.
Feelings are not our reality. They are feelings.
This past weekend, God exposed some massive hurts in my heart. Two very close friends that knew my heart and then hurt me. One was in middle school. She was my very best friend and then one day she told me she didn't want to be friends. We were going to high school and she wanted new friends. The second was my best friend as an adult. Then one day, he stopped talking to me. I even felt weird stares and heard giggles as I passed by our other friends. I felt they knew my deepest and darkest secrets that I only told to him. Because of theses deep hurts, I insulated my heart. Protected it. No friend could go that deep again. I had been mortally wounded and would not allow that to happen again. Yet, I desired and prayed for a deep relationship.
I recently was blessed with a friend who was what I prayed for. She is not only my accountability, but she is my sister. Without knowing it, God removed my insulation and protection. This weekend I was encountered old feelings and tapes. Will she hurt me like they did? I subconsciously started to pushed her away. I could not have that happen again. In a very short period of time and through prayer, God showed me what was happening. That I was pasting old feelings onto my new, healthy friendship. I am not the same person and she was not the two friends that hurt me. It's interesting to me how we can get stuck in old tapes very easily. How we can paste old hurts onto new people. How we can get stuck very quickly in our old selves.
Ephesians talks about that we need to "...put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." (Ephesians 4:22-24 NIV84)
I talked with my dear sister and told her what God had revealed to me. I told her about how I was hurt. I bore my heart to her and my gratitude that God had brought her in my life. I know God blessed me with her friendship.
Trust is hard. My heart and trust can easily be broken again. But the rewards of a lasting friendship is totally worth the possibility of being hurt again.
I woke up this morning thinking about the game concentration. I played it at sleepovers with my friends. Once it was nighttime, you would close your eyes. Then your friend would tap your shoulders and say, "Concentrate! Concentrate! People dying. Children crying. Concentrate!" I know, what a positive and uplifting game. Then their would be a choice of different things you could do. "There's a knife in you back! Stab it! Feel the blood trickling down." Now, if you have your eyes closed and depending how into the game your friend was, it felt like you were stabbed and something was running down your back. In truth, it was your friend punching you in the back and tickling their fingers down your back and depending how into it they were, you could walk away with a bruise. It felt like you were stabbed and mortal and mortally bleeding. In reality, you were fine.
Feelings are not our reality. They are feelings.
This past weekend, God exposed some massive hurts in my heart. Two very close friends that knew my heart and then hurt me. One was in middle school. She was my very best friend and then one day she told me she didn't want to be friends. We were going to high school and she wanted new friends. The second was my best friend as an adult. Then one day, he stopped talking to me. I even felt weird stares and heard giggles as I passed by our other friends. I felt they knew my deepest and darkest secrets that I only told to him. Because of theses deep hurts, I insulated my heart. Protected it. No friend could go that deep again. I had been mortally wounded and would not allow that to happen again. Yet, I desired and prayed for a deep relationship.
I recently was blessed with a friend who was what I prayed for. She is not only my accountability, but she is my sister. Without knowing it, God removed my insulation and protection. This weekend I was encountered old feelings and tapes. Will she hurt me like they did? I subconsciously started to pushed her away. I could not have that happen again. In a very short period of time and through prayer, God showed me what was happening. That I was pasting old feelings onto my new, healthy friendship. I am not the same person and she was not the two friends that hurt me. It's interesting to me how we can get stuck in old tapes very easily. How we can paste old hurts onto new people. How we can get stuck very quickly in our old selves.
Ephesians talks about that we need to "...put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." (Ephesians 4:22-24 NIV84)
I talked with my dear sister and told her what God had revealed to me. I told her about how I was hurt. I bore my heart to her and my gratitude that God had brought her in my life. I know God blessed me with her friendship.
Trust is hard. My heart and trust can easily be broken again. But the rewards of a lasting friendship is totally worth the possibility of being hurt again.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Groundhog's Day
After taking time to reflect on retreat, I realized that my personal circumstances were the same as last year. Both this year and last year I was healing from a miscarriage. Last year, I gave birth to Phoebe Mae at 20 weeks though she was only 18 weeks. And this year I miscarried at seven weeks with a blighted ovum...a yoke sac with no baby.
I have received so much healing from all my miscarriages. I say all because I have had three total: March 17, 2011 Sept 17, 2011 and now Sept 19, 2012. Despite these circumstances, and after opening my heart wide open to God and expressing my true feelings regardless of how ugly they were, u have so much hope. It required me to get real with God. If He is my friend and He knows what is in my heart, there is no way I can heal if I don't speak out how I truly feel and allow myself to be raw and transparent with God.
A woman this weekend asked about my joy...how do you have that joy. Well, looking back on how far God has taken me, the joy I have is from remembering His promises despite how terrible things may be. Also, it requires remembering memorials: He brought me through my addictions including bulimia. He was with me while my husband was in rehab. He comforted me during my pregnancy with Penny and possible issues. He restored my body over and over through a series of miracles. He knows the tears I've cried. He had seen my heart break. He has provided for ever financial need I have. And though I feel sometimes like I am invisible to Him, unlovable and worse, He gently reminds me that He sees me and He loves me in amazing supernatural and tangible ways, like this weekend.
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV)
Through several loving sister this weekend I was reminded of this and I am grateful for the good and the bad. It fertilizes my joy.
I have received so much healing from all my miscarriages. I say all because I have had three total: March 17, 2011 Sept 17, 2011 and now Sept 19, 2012. Despite these circumstances, and after opening my heart wide open to God and expressing my true feelings regardless of how ugly they were, u have so much hope. It required me to get real with God. If He is my friend and He knows what is in my heart, there is no way I can heal if I don't speak out how I truly feel and allow myself to be raw and transparent with God.
A woman this weekend asked about my joy...how do you have that joy. Well, looking back on how far God has taken me, the joy I have is from remembering His promises despite how terrible things may be. Also, it requires remembering memorials: He brought me through my addictions including bulimia. He was with me while my husband was in rehab. He comforted me during my pregnancy with Penny and possible issues. He restored my body over and over through a series of miracles. He knows the tears I've cried. He had seen my heart break. He has provided for ever financial need I have. And though I feel sometimes like I am invisible to Him, unlovable and worse, He gently reminds me that He sees me and He loves me in amazing supernatural and tangible ways, like this weekend.
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV)
Through several loving sister this weekend I was reminded of this and I am grateful for the good and the bad. It fertilizes my joy.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
My super power - invisibility!
Do you remember when you were a kid thinking about what super power you might have if you were a superhero? (Ok, some of us think about that now!) I knew exactly what mine was...invisibility. Actually, I was my super power. Yes, I am a superhero... Invisible Girl...away!!!! No, not really but I felt I had it. As a teen and a young adult I felt very invisible. I felt like no one could really see me. There were times people had full conversations in front of me as if I wasn't there. Or the automatic doors at the supermarket would not detect me. Or the automatic potty's and faucets at the airport would not flush or turn on. Worse, I thought no one could truly see my broken heart. Maybe no one cared. I was depressed. I hated myself. I saw no good in me at all. So why should I exist?
I think a lot of us feel that way. Invisible. Sometimes we make ourselves invisible - I do not want you to see me. Sometimes we feel so isolated that we are encased in invisibility. We are trapped in cell. Alone. I understand that feeling. We were not built to be alone. That is why it hurts so bad. We may think we are alone but we're not.
God sees us. More so, He sees our hearts. And sometimes our hearts lead us to think we are nothing, alone, junk...God says otherwise.
If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. (1 John 3:20 NIV)
Your not invisible. You never will be. God knows everything, yet still loves you. So today, lock eyes with someone, say "Good morning!"as if to say through your eyes, 'I see you and you are loved. You are not invisible but cherished.' You may save a life.
I think a lot of us feel that way. Invisible. Sometimes we make ourselves invisible - I do not want you to see me. Sometimes we feel so isolated that we are encased in invisibility. We are trapped in cell. Alone. I understand that feeling. We were not built to be alone. That is why it hurts so bad. We may think we are alone but we're not.
God sees us. More so, He sees our hearts. And sometimes our hearts lead us to think we are nothing, alone, junk...God says otherwise.
If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. (1 John 3:20 NIV)
Your not invisible. You never will be. God knows everything, yet still loves you. So today, lock eyes with someone, say "Good morning!"as if to say through your eyes, 'I see you and you are loved. You are not invisible but cherished.' You may save a life.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
My campaign promise is this - to edify you!
The political season has to be one of my favorites. You know why? About two years ago my husband and I decided we could not feasibly have satellite or cable. We got rid of it and purchased rabbit ears and my mother blessed us with a Roku box. We watch mostly Netflix and we get our news from the Internet. So why do I love this season? Very little ads. I probably would hear or see none if I cut out Pandora and Allrecipes.com. Yeah, I said Allrecipes! Obama purchased all the ad space for them for about two weeks. It was terribly annoying.
Political ads make me really hate elections. I can't stand ads like, " So and so says he will do this but did you know he hates his mother? Is this a person you want in office?" Ok that's an exaggeration but it is not too far off the mark. I would rather just hear about what you want to do. It would awesome if they said something nice about the other candidate. " So and so is a great dad and husband. He did a good job. I think I can do better!" Wow!
Facebook is making the process even more dislikeable. Yeah, I made that word up. I have a hard time listening to people attack each other repeatedly. Just ripping someone's character apart. And the people who are running are not the ones who are the worst at this. It is the supporters who call others stupid and ignorant. Who judge the motives of someone's heart regardless if the even have met that person face to face.
Now I have a hard time because it triggers me. I fight pride and judgement daily. It is pretty much in my DNA and I hate it. It reminds me of Paul talking about doing the very thing he doesn't was to do. I hate but I can slip into it very quickly like and old pair of perfectly broken in shoes. So when I see people tearing each other down, I get triggered. I have to check my tongue and tone. I have to guard my heart. I need to watch and pray that I do not fall into temptation. My spirit may be willing, but my body is weak. More so I think of what James 1 says: My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. (James 1:19-22 NIV) I have to live out what is planted in me. Let the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control- i.e. my tongue, blossom.
It's a choice. Either you choose to be quick to listen, slow to speak and become angry or you allow the anti- fruits to flourish- malice, anger, so on and so on.
What kind of fruit are you bearing?
Political ads make me really hate elections. I can't stand ads like, " So and so says he will do this but did you know he hates his mother? Is this a person you want in office?" Ok that's an exaggeration but it is not too far off the mark. I would rather just hear about what you want to do. It would awesome if they said something nice about the other candidate. " So and so is a great dad and husband. He did a good job. I think I can do better!" Wow!
Facebook is making the process even more dislikeable. Yeah, I made that word up. I have a hard time listening to people attack each other repeatedly. Just ripping someone's character apart. And the people who are running are not the ones who are the worst at this. It is the supporters who call others stupid and ignorant. Who judge the motives of someone's heart regardless if the even have met that person face to face.
Now I have a hard time because it triggers me. I fight pride and judgement daily. It is pretty much in my DNA and I hate it. It reminds me of Paul talking about doing the very thing he doesn't was to do. I hate but I can slip into it very quickly like and old pair of perfectly broken in shoes. So when I see people tearing each other down, I get triggered. I have to check my tongue and tone. I have to guard my heart. I need to watch and pray that I do not fall into temptation. My spirit may be willing, but my body is weak. More so I think of what James 1 says: My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. (James 1:19-22 NIV) I have to live out what is planted in me. Let the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control- i.e. my tongue, blossom.
It's a choice. Either you choose to be quick to listen, slow to speak and become angry or you allow the anti- fruits to flourish- malice, anger, so on and so on.
What kind of fruit are you bearing?
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