I was about sixteen years old when I took this picture. When I look at it, I am reminded of the tapes that used to run in my head...
"You are so fat!"
"You can't get any uglier"
"No boy will ever like you"
"Boy, you are dumb"
"Did I tell you how fat you are?"
"Worthless, just worthless"
I remember using humor and make jokes about myself to mask how I truly felt. I wished I could be anyone else. And I tried. I tried many hats. I wanted to be liked and I wrapped my self-worth into what others thought of me. But mostly, my self-worth was directly related to my dancing ability. So as an adult, no wonder my world would crash around me when I was told I was too fat to do this or my dancing wasn't perfect. I became depressed when five knee surgeries took me out of commission for weeks and sometimes months. Even worse, right before I retired from dancing, I received an amazing review that spoke of how talented I was, yet the reviewer was so amazed that I moved so well and I was so big. And what's worse than that is when dancing was removed from my life....I had no idea who I was.
These things crushed me because my worth was tied to MY abilities. I look now and can see God's plan for me...I totally missed it. Yes, I was not the average size of a "normal" professional dancer. God created me to possibly break that mold.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
He even tried to speak through people around me. He used the artistic director of the company I was in. She gave me a book about miracles and it talked about how your body was chosen to complete a certain task. I was just unwilling to accept God's will for me and fought it day in and out. I was empty and lost.
" I know the plans I have for you."
It's getting a bunch of parts in a box. Screws, nails, wooden slats and boards. Then wanting to put it together but being unwilling to look at the directions. And lets say you glance at them but you're confused because there are no pictures and your unwilling to call tech support!
God has a plan for you. He created you specifically for it. He designed it and hand-crafted it just for you. He made you to complete it with His direction and help. All you have to do is accept it.
Are you willing?
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