A little bit won't hurt...

There is a battle in my mind. Actually, there is a raging, chaotic war happening and I am exhausted. Mentally exhausted.

For the last four days I have fasted my lunch only eating rice. Plain white rice. No butter. No salt. I am also on a spending fast. Have been for two weeks. Only household essentials and because God called me in His perfect timing, I have only had 97 cents in my account for the past week and a half.

And today the battle started.
All I wanted was a soda. A soda is not apart of my fast. It's a liquid. But I am only going to eat rice and water. What time does my lunch truly end? I could eat it then. Lunch ends around two, right? Food has such a hold on me. The enemy wants me to relent. To fall into temptation and fill myself with guilt, shame and anger. he wants me to fail and stand a failure when my eyes should be focused on God and His provisions.

Then I got paid.
All the things I want to get. A Kindle. A new phone. A soda!
These two things grip my life. I don't spend large amounts of money. But every nickel I have can be on unnecessary items and 96 cent sodas from 7-11. They add up. They take away money from my family.

Obedience.

God's love language.
"If you love me, you will obey what I command." John 14:15

I am seeing how much of a grip this world has on me. Stuff and food. I desire them. I fill myself with them. But that is not what God created me to fill myself with. He designed a hole in me on purpose... so He can fill it. He designed desire in me...to desire more of Him. This broken, sinful world grips me and my priority are off.
I don't need soda. I don't need stuff. But I do need more of Him. I desire to get closer to Him and for Him to break the wants so I only need the needs.