Consumed

The hardest part of recovery is seeing that your choices have brought you to where you are today.


I don't care how long you have been in recovery or actively working your recovery, (there is a difference), this is the hardest thing to face. Essential, you are seeing your denial at work inside of you for days, months, years or maybe even in your lifetime.


One of my areas of recovery relates to food. I am beginning to see that I have had a problem with food all my life. The difference was that I was younger, had a faster metabolism and highly active. As I grew into puberty, things began to change. I started to grow softer and rounder. The easiest fix seemed to be laxatives and diet pills...a diet plan I could carry into my adult life. It was normal to me but I hid it. Here a clue...if you need to hide it, you probably shouldn't do it.


What comes to mind is 1 Corinthians 6:12. 
“Everything is permissible for me”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me”—but I will not be mastered by anything.
I have allowed food to master me. And just like with alcoholism, the evidence is obvious. I am obese. And I hate the fact that I have allowed something to master me. Really, I have made food my idol. I have worshiped it. If I am sad, I ran to it. If I was angry, I ran to it. 
A picture just popped in my mind...


I am a little girl. In the distance, I see God to my right and then to my left I see a huge plate of food.  I am sad, hurting and angry and all I want is comfort. Both are calling me, who do I run to? As I am running, I see God...I see food...but as I get closer, I see the details of the food. Ice cream, candy bars, McDonald's! I don't even see God there with His arms open to me. I dive in the plate and try to hold it and hug it. Instead, it consumes me. 


Food has consumed me. It has mastered me. But here is where things change. I WILL NOT BE MASTERED BY IT. I didn't know this and food doesn't know this, (I know, food can't think nor does it have a mind...well, it does if it's some kind of animal prior to being cooked. But I don't eat raw food so really it doesn't have a mind...I digress), but I have a Master and He cares about me and wants to build me up. 


 “So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.  Matthew 6:31-33


 Instead of leaving me empty after I consume, He leaves me feeling full. 


Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. John 6:35


He tells me not to worry about every day life. He cares about me and He will give me all that I need. 


Sorry, food, I am running to the right!