Feelings...Nothing more than Feelings...

Food and feelings go hand in hand when you have food issues. So why as I am doing my daily inventory (that is looking back on the day to do a check of my feelings, events and how I was treated or treated other people. It's a CR thing) do I see a glaring feeling/food event that I totally missed. 
When I do my daily inventory, I replay the day in my mind, much like a SportsCenter play by play. As I am going through it, I come to a moment that was very touching. I felt myself wanting to cry and then I pick up a cupcake and stuff it in my face...yes, I stuff it IN MY FACE. A cupcake, for me,  that normally takes five to six bites only needed two. YIKES! And what followed? The need to cry was gone. Never have I had such a glaring and tangibly vivid look at myself. And as I replayed it over and over. I could almost hear the play by play, "...and Moorhead picks up the cupcake and eats it. Oh, no! Stike out! I wouldn't be in the locker room after this one." And it became more characterized until finally it was in slow mo. Wow! In that moment, I stuffed myself with a cupcake instead of seeking God and more importantly, feeling my feelings. 
Psalm 81:9-10 says
You shall have no foreign god among you;
   you shall not bow down to an alien god.
 I am the LORD your God,
   who brought you up out of Egypt.
   Open wide your mouth and I will fill it.
God says open wide your mouth and I will fill it. In my "power" I filled myself with empty calories and a taste that lasts for a moment. A stimulus that does not last. Instead of a divine stimulus that not only lasts but fills.
I needed this moment. I needed a replay that I could vividly remember. A moment that was small and insignificant to others that is of greater importance to me and my relationship with God. You see, it's those moments that matter. Not so much the ones where I am on the floor, pigging out on McDonald's because I had a hard day. It's the smaller, insignificant moments that lead up to those binges! 
So I move forward with a greater awareness, my eyes open and a heart ready to be filled by God.