The Past and Present Collide

Food sometimes triggers the sense. It also triggers memories.

Last night, I decided to make a some spaghetti sauce and meatballs.  I have an amazing recipe for it in a cookbook my mom created. The recipe came from a guy I was once engaged to. The recipe itself brought no memories. Very utilitarian. However, the taste did. It reminded me of a life that seems like it was hundreds of years ago. One where I was a cruel, manipulative, bulimic, backstabbing, self-absorbed person. That person was never really happy, wanted what she couldn't have and the desire for perfection ruled her. She felt very unlovable and the hole in her was as large as Wrigley field. She had family that loved her and friends that loved her but she was just desperate for love. 


Why?


Fast forward to today: As I look at what I didn't have then and what I have now I see the answer. A real concrete with God. I was my idol. After all, I was in entertainment. You have to be a self-promoter when you are. Now, don't start posting comments about how all entertainers are not self-absorbed. They may not be. But I was. I saw God as this genie; I pray to Him and gives me what I want. But in the in between times, it was never about Him or His will for me. It was my will all the way and I can make things happen. 


What is awesome it this. I see that even though our relationship was a one way street, He has is hand on me the whole time. He had bigger plans for me than being in a great dance company or winning awards or even being on SNL. Sure, all the stuff I got to do, the places I went were awesome. But they were nothing compare to being joy-filled. That stuff was to prepare me for being where I am right now and where I am going to move forward. 


For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jer. 29:11


Even better, I don't live in my past. I don't have to tote around "this is what I did" or "this is what I've done". I am enough. Plain old Veronica is enough. That feels good. 


My life is awesome. I have struggles and I have hard times. But I have a Savior who walks me through the struggles and the hard times. Who blesses me with joy. With contentment. With a never ending love. That rocks!