Did you just say chunky?

It's normal to comment on how big a baby is.
"Oh, look your juicy baby!"
"She is so chubby!"
"Your baby it so chunky!'
It's normal to normal people but I have realized in the last couple weeks that those comments have made me question how I am feeding her. So much that my husband, accountability and other close friend have had to encourage me and reassure me that I am not over feeding her.
Why?
A good portion of my life I was bulimic. I popped laxative and downed every diet pill on the market. My self worth was wrapped up in how much I weighed. After I stopped dancing, I didn't want to purge anymore but I never really dealt with why I binged in the first place. That lead to an issue with compulsive overeating.
I am proud to say that I have been in serious recovery, worked the twelve steps for three years and I am viewing myself in a new way, in a new light. But because of the abuse to my body for all those years, not making good choices when it comes to food and not really knowing what a well balance diet looks like, I am still overweight. In recent months, I have met with a dietician  to learn how to eat better. Since then I have lost weight, very slowly. My goal is really to lose no more than a pound a week. Sure and steady wins the race.
But lately, I have been trapped in a fear. A fear that I may create a generational curse. Overweight parents breed overweight children. I can't ask Penny to make healthy choices if I am unwilling to do so.
Which brings me to today. While at the pediatrician, I asked how much I should be feeding Penny and if she was overweight. She gave me a funny look and I explained that I was in recovery and I wanted to make sure that I was taking care of Penny properly. She said she was fine, (always good to hear that from a doc) but the look she gave me read, 'You are recovering from bulimia? Ha!'
See how easy it is to let the enemy in. She may have been thinking about balancing the check book or the Bears game this weekend. Who knows! And even if she thought that, who cares! Romans 8:1 tells me there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. As long as I am being obedient in my choices, whether food or what I watch on TV, God will bless that. It is the enemy that makes me not want to see my progress and fall into self condemnation and then give up. So if Jesus, you know, the Jesus that was apart of the "we" in Genesis and created all that we see. The Jesus who sits at the right hand of the father. You know, God, says there is no condemnation in Him, well it better not be present in me!
Today, a special friend said I looked svelte. I didn't give a proper thank you. Thank you!
I am removing those old tapes. Maybe it's time you did too!